Al The Plumber

Nauseating Bridge Quotes: Stasha Cohen

STASHA COHEN: (cross-referenced to Steve Bandes, Allan Stauber and Anonymous)

I was playing with Warren Rosner in the Grand National Teams District 3 Final back around 1,000,000 BC. I had a marathon session of endplays with the extremely vulnerable Racquel Welch the night before, so she didn’t show up.

Since I was quite drained, I never got into the bidding on a hand, which was a rarity in itself. As usual, neither did Rosner. Stasha Cohen was the declarer after an auction that went something like 1 of a minor – 1H – 1N – 3N.

So I made a lead, and she could only get eight tricks assuming we played even semi-sanely. It was one of those rare times, when things went pretty well for us. We were up quite a bit after whatever quarter that was. After the comparisons, I overheard this conversation between her and an exasperated unknown Mr. Macho who held my cards at the other table. The auction was the same.

Anonymous Mr. Macho (to Cohen): How did you go down in 3N (on the above hand)?

Cohen: Stauber led a heart.

Mr. Macho: I led a heart too. The contract is COLD after that! (It was not stated, but I could sort of hear him adding “YOU MORON!”)

Cohen: Did you lead the JACK?

Mr. Mach 0 (but not capable of moving at the Mach numbers of his counterpart at the other table!): (silence)

[Still suffering from Bandes Shocks (see above), I had led the HJ from Jxx again. Dummy had KQ9x, partner had Txxx, and declarer had A8. Eventually we got a heart trick and four other tricks. Mr. Mach 0’s low heart lead gave our declarer the ninth trick.]

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[…] BANDES (alias, The Hair Curler – for perpetually twisting his cowlick): (cross-referenced to Stasha Cohen, Allan Stauber and […]

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